****Attention this League has been taken over by Donald “who brought the black guy” Sterling****
So between Cliven Bundy and Donald Sterling white people appear to have achieved time travel…..to the early 19th century…..wow. It is official I’m routing for Doc and the Clips…I’m even gonna watch the game until I am done writing…..
**** …Breaking…”…all members of Leather and Lumber must drop all Negroes…”…Donald Sterling new Massa and Cliven Bundy “The Overseer”. Okay I am done….Week the 4th….
Domination decided to get on the internet and throw three guys to have pitching stats count, and that strategy paid off with a Ceasar like victory 13-12-5 over the Mexican Monster. I suspect our new Commish had it in for the team that mentioned brown people. Domination had 100 TB but only hit .269. The 14 doubles, 6 steals and 8 bombs helped but 7 errors and 56 K’s did not. The Monster, can’t even say Mexican in the new league, had 50 fucking singles. Holy shit! Monster also hit .287 and only booted the ball four times. Donald Sterling is launching an investigation to determine how the Mexican team lost steals. Domination threw an efficient 28.2 innings with 1 win, 2 saves and a solid 3.14 ERA. Monster did some damage with 43 IP, 34 K’s and 4 QS. The 4 losses and ERA of 4.19 were not helpful.
In your basic blowout SpelChekers smacked up Snookies Rookies 17-7-6. Chekers checked a bunch of cats on the offensive side: 73 hits, 51 freaking singles, 17 doubles, 103 TB and a .293 avg. Rookies tried to compete but it wasn’t close, the only stat worth mention is 8 dingers. Chekers easily took the pitching stats with 49 IP, 48K, 5 wins and a sparkling ERA of 2.20. Rookies threw 62 innings with only 11 walks and a complete game.
***BTW can Snookie come over without a recording device my last chick screwed me, and not in a good way, D. Sterling***
In another close matchup BJ’s beat Basement Royalty 13-12-5. BJ’s had a solid week with the bats: 63 hits, 15 2B, 5 SB and a solid average of .285. Royalty hit well too. The number that jumps out is 12 HR with an OPS of .845. Royalty also smacked 12 2B ad had a total pf 108 TB. On the pitching side BJ’s threw an efficient 23.2 IP, 4 saves and an ERA of 3.80. Royalty countered with 52 IP, 49 K’s, 5 QS and ab ERA of 3.46.
*** Note from New Commish: BJ’s must changes their name because it references a black player***
13-12-5 seems to be a theme here this week. Whore Moans took a tight victory over Party Starters. Whore Moans bats were pretty silent this week: 49 hits, 70 TB, 8 SB and a weak ass batting average of .237. Starters took it to Whore Moans with the bats: 65 hits, 93 TB, 27 RBI and a nice .284 average. Both teams pitched well but Whore Moans made hay with the arms: 46.1 IP, 5 QS, 1 CG, a sparkling ERA of 1.36 and a whip of .885. Starters threw very well too: 44.2 IP, 5 QS, 3 wins and a great era of 2.82. Party Starters got the shitty end of the stick. Great Pitching Pat.
***Commish Note: Party Starters will not start any parties with black people***
***Commish Note: Since both teams appear to be named in honor of the Dodgers you must change your name because the Dodgers were the first team to hire a black guy***
The Count’s League of Bums took a really tight matchup-14-11-5. The League had 56 hits, 18 2B, and an average of .2456. Fucking Bums did not really tear it up either: 53 hits, 5 HR, 7 SB and an average of .2465. Both teams booted the ball all over the field with a combined 13 errors. The League took RBI 31-30 and runs 25-23. The League threw only 22.1 IP, 1 win, 1 qs and a sucky ERA of 4.43. Fucking Bums threw 39.1 IP, 33 K’s, 4 QS, 4 wins and a respectable ERA of 3.20. Tough to stomach a loss like that John.
Aoki was able to take a 13-9-8 victory over Providence Shitmen. Aoki smacked the ball around park: 73 hits, 52 friggin singles, 104 TB and a great average of .293. Shitmen shit the bed. They were only able to muster 49 hits, though 11 were HR’s, 91 TB and a crappy ass average of .226. Again both teams couldn’t hold onto the ball with 11 errors combined. Aoki pitched well enough to win, barely: 39.1 IP, 35 K’s, 3 QS, 2 wins but a shitty ERA of 4.58. Shitmen were a little snakebit: 22 IP, 2 QS, 0 wins and an era of 3.68.
***Commish Note: Aoki must change name….only white names here try Don’s Sterling Team***
Last but not least we have the sister kissing matchup between Buster and Stone for my Pillow 13-13-4. Neither team hit the ball well. Buster had 53 hits, 15 2B, 92 TB, and crappy average of .244. Pillow hit marginally better: 61 hits, 93 TB, 43 1B abd a slightly less shitty average of .254. Again no defense with 10 errors combined. Pitching lines were ridiculous. Buster threw 77 IP, 75 K, 9 QS and ab ERA of 2.46. Pillow threw the house as well: 55.2 IP, 64 K, 5 QS and ab ERA of 2.91. The 2 blown saves killed buster.
***Commish Note: For real change that fucking name Pillow***
Final Commish Note***I will be unable to do the write up next week as I will be the keynote speaker at a KKK rally***